White Light Black Light

Now let me telleth you the story of a war so skanky and scandalous that you may shit your pants in amazement. It all began when the Land of Dirty Buttholes challenged the Land of Stinky Sphincters to a duel in the World's Smelliest Ass Competition, and won the great rectal-wind showdown after all but one judge was killed from a massive burst of flatulence. The Land of Stinky Sphincters protested the decision of the one remaining judge, but it was to no avail since no one at the International Assholes Committee cared to have the raunchy rectal showdown repeated. So, in protest, the Land of Stinky Sphincters boycotted all commerce and goods from the Land of Dirty Buttholes, yet they still refused to give up the trophy. Instead, the Land of Dirty Buttholes decided to allow acts of terrorism against the Land of Stinky Sphincters, since the boycott was crippling their economy. They decided to let their Butt Pirates go after ships from the Land of Stinky Sphincters, and lots of precious booty was plundered! The Land of Stinky Sphincters became enraged by the acts of terrorism, so the old farts in the government declared War on the Land of Dirty Buttholes, and in turn, the old farts in the government of Dirty Buttholes declared war on the Stinky Sphincters.

The Butthole Battle raged on for many years, millions of people lost their lives in brutal combat, and the economies of both nations were in dire straits (and I don't mean the band, or even The Band for that matter!). Both lands were decimated by the ongoing conflict. Soon, all who were left to fight the War were the elite die-hard soldiers on both sides. Now it

General Gaping Holes McMurphy was waiting for him on top of the hill, and as soon as he saw General Butt Mustard, he shot him right between the eyes (and right between the thighs for good luck). Realizing he had just single-handedly won the war for his side, Gaping Holes McMurphy did a wild dance of glee, and then accidently fell back on his bayonet and stabbed himself to death!

After seeing both their Generals killed in such gruesome ways, the two bands faced each other and began playing different tunes loudly against one another. After a few hours, they realized this wasn't going anywhere, and the leaders of both bands met each other in the center of the field and talked it over. After discussing things, they both found a song both sides knew and loved, "Hang On Poopy, Poopy Hang On", and the butt trumpets blasted, "Fart! Fart! -- Fart! Fart! -- Fart! Fart! -- Fart! Fart!"

The War was Over, and Peace had finally come. A peaceful way and philosophy soon spread across the land, and everyone sang, "Hang On to Sri Poopy, to Sri Poopy Hang On! Yeah, YEAH! Yeah, YEAH, Yeah, YEAH, YEAHH!"

"The End"

// posted by Alice @ Friday, July 29, 2005