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Be courteous, kind, and forgiving. Be gentle and peaceful each day.

Be warm and human and grateful,

And have a good thing to say.

Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike,

Be witty and happy and wise.

Be honest and love all your neighbors,

Be obsequious, purple and clairvoyant.

Be sure to stop at stop signs, And drive fifty-five miles an hour.

Pick up hitchhikers foaming at the mouth,

And when you get home get a master's degree in geology.

Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus.

Be dull and boring and omniprescent.

Criticize things you don't know about.

Be oblong and have your knees removed.

(Ladies only) Never make love to Bigfoot.

(Men only) Hello, my name is Bigfoot.

(Everyone) Put a live chicken in your underwear.

Go into a closet and suck eggs.

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